


All My Heroes

by IrisClou



Series: Sensei Squared [Kaka/Iru/Tsu] [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Flashbacks, M/M, Unrequited Love, and more emotionally unstable i guess? idk how to word it., ill link to another set of flashbacks at the end if you need more backstory but, iruka gets to be a dad to nart its really cute but itll also make you cry so like, irukas like....barely 20 in the flashback so hes still kinda hot headed from his teenage years, its sad and im sorry but, this is pretty self contained
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 12:52:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19107466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisClou/pseuds/IrisClou
Summary: "Don't run away. Please don't run away." Iruka's voice cracked and wavered like a robin's egg at night; unsure if there would be a dawn. "Stay. Stay with me. One night, that's all I need." He begged, the chasm between them now only inches apart.Kakashi felt the fence to his back as Iruka's hands rose to his chest, such sacred ground, trailing upward to where he was sure his fate, in this moment, rested. Kind hands cupped his childhood friend's jaw, kinder eyes beseeching every fiber of the man's being with his own."You're all I need." Iruka confessed, voice barely more than a hushed whisper.alt. end where Iruka tries get revenge on Oorochimaru for killing Hiruzen, and fails, and flashbacks to his lingering regrets.[same canon as "someone to you" this was just too long to put in as a single chapter]





	All My Heroes

**Author's Note:**

> since it? is apparently not obvious, iruka lives. hes gucci. im not gonna kill off my favorite character for man drama, thats kishimotos job.

**[[dream of mickey mantle | everything is bleachers]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqKnojjHJno) **

 

A song played in his head. The drums of the blood pounding in his ear, the vocals voices of his past, instruments the flashing lights and clattering of wheels. They would all fade in and out, on repeat, always ever. 

 

At least he was laying down. He figured it would suck immensely to be standing and in this much blinding pain. Well, it was more of an ache. An ache that was slowly disintegrating his whole goddamn body. 

 

Stuck on repeat. His name, a thousand times over, but no voice to own it. They all said it at once, and through the numbness, he felt hands at his face, mouth, lips, cheeks, ears…they wouldn't stop. Oddly, he felt salt on his tongue. But it wasn't his. 

 

The hands were gone, something softer to his cheeks, neck, a new noise in his ear, a beautiful murmur, tumbling like summers past down the poppy hills. He clung desperately to it, begging the lips never to leave. 

 

But the hills rolled too much, too much and he was sinking in the crashing waves of his subconscious. 

 

He wanted that voice. It made his heart beat a little nicer. 

 

Suddenly, he grew aware of something...louder. Sharper. Like sunlight burning his eyes from under the water. 

 

"Sensei!" 

 

And at the weight, as it was all he could feel, he was brought back in an instant. 

 

**[[wake me | still bleachers]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XhXT9MyRCQ) **

 

A moptop of yellow hair stuck out like a sore thumb from behind his desk. 

 

"Class is over, you know." Iruka frowned from his chair, looking over the lesson plan for the next day before shuffling it away into the drawer.

 

The hair didn't move. Then, suddenly, tiny fingers and a nose rest up against the desk, bright blue eyes pouting up at the teacher. 

 

"What's wrong?" The chuunin gathered his things, preparing to leave. "Go on, go home." He said softly. He didn't want to sound harsh...but firm. 

 

Didn't work. Never worked with the boy. 

 

Ibiki had taught him from day one that babying his students would leave him with bratty, undisciplined children, and not responsible shinobi. 

 

And as much as he respected his sensei, he couldn't help but grow fond of this one. If only for the way he stared up at him, a desire for friendship hidden behind a scowl. 

 

"Alright. Just...follow me, but don't make a scene." Iruka shook his head with a smile. 

 

_ Naruto. _ He had a inkling that this boy was the beloved Lord Fourth's son, with such handsome, striking features...but Lord Third had forbidden the idea. Iruka trusted the Hokage with all his heart, but he still felt as though...some kindness was overdue. If he had shown Iruka tenderness at a young age, then he would do the same for this little one. 

 

Naruto nodded, hovering close by as his sensei tidied up around the classroom, fingers curled tightly around his pantleg as the man locked up for the day. 

 

"You always work so late, Iruka-Sensei." Genma chuckled, padding to a stop in the hall as he looked down at what he knew was the jinchuriki of the Leaf. "Now I know where all those rumors of you living here come from the children." He gave the younger shinobi a good natured smile, not noticing the chuunin's reddening cheeks.

 

"Ah, well, you see, sir…" He stammered, doing his best. He instinctively drew Naruto closer, hand to his shoulder. "They rely on me, especially when they don't have parents to teach them. It's kind of like...being a foster at times." He returned the smile weakly. 

 

"I know they appreciate it, more than you know. Keep up the good work, Iruka." Genma patted his shoulder as he passed, hand up in farewell. 

 

The chuunin let out the breath he was holding as he watched the jonin leave. He sighed, and turned to Naruto. 

 

"I'll take you home tonight, alright?' Iruka ruffled the boy's golden hair affectionately. "But you'll need to start learning how to care for yourself, too." 

 

Naruto turned his head, pout reforming at light speed, making his sensei laugh. 

 

"Ichiraku first, the we'll piggyback to my place, hm? I still have a lot of paperwork to--"

 

The wind was knocked out of him as the boy let out a joyful noise, leaping into Iruka's arms, hugging him tightly at the idea of ramen. 

 

The teacher tensed, but it was short lived, and he bent down to pull Naruto into a warm hug, before taking his hand and leading him down the hallway, smiling to himself as the boy peeped over the reception counter, watching him sign out for the day. 

 

"Now, what did you want to eat for dinner?" Iruka asked as they shuffled down the streets of Konoha, retracing steps from a week ago. 

 

"Ramen!!" The boy hollered, and his teacher let out an unruly laugh before hushing himself and the boy, realizing they were in public. 

 

"What  _ kind?"  _ The chuunin snickered, then cleared his throat, a pleasant smile on his face as he was given a dirty look by a passing woman. 

 

" _ All  _ of them!" Naruto replied jubilantly, jumping up and down, tugging Iruka's hand as he did so. 

 

The sensei knew being seen with the boy was...a hit to his reputation, if only because it went against the grain. His face was set in an unwavering smile, however; a lion statue on the firmament of his heart to ward off ill will. This child needed guidance. He didn't fight like hell to become a teacher just to watch a child like Naruto slip through the cracks.

 

Hell, just a couple years back he had let his emotions get the best of him, and tried to beat the shit of one of his old... _ friends. _ He sighed at the shadow of a memory, not really knowing what Hatake was to him anymore. 

 

" _ All  _ of them?" Iruka's eyes caught the rude stares, returning them with determination. He had gotten more... _ submissive _ as he learned the ropes of being sensei, his original enthusiasm humbled by his superiors. But what lingered was his protectiveness of little ones. If anyone started something...well, he just hoped he wouldn't throw hands. Ibiki-sensei would have his ass for it. 

 

He remembered attempting to fight the man himself when they were first assigned each other as a sort of Senpai-Kouhai pair as a way for Iruka to shadow him. They'd argued briefly about children's physical and mental limits, before Ibiki had told him that a child's true potential only appeared during intense strife. 

 

Iruka had lost it entirely, his temper crashing into the wall in the form of a textbook he threw. His fists had curled tight, arm already up, eyes lit like torches in the night. 

 

The fight did not last long. Ibiki had easily knocked him to the floor, heel to his throat, but not before tossing him up against the board, arms twisted behind his back, growling in his ear how foolish he was. 

 

Iruka had only grit his teeth and tasted the blood on his tongue in silence. The hand offered was taken, and Ibiki sat with him for the next few minutes in an unheard of tenderness. 

 

"I understand. You see the children of the village as the backbone. You don't want to break them for that reason. But  _ you _ of all people, I trust to make fine shinobi out of those willing. You  _ must _ realize only the best ninja come from those who  _ want  _ to be one. They will work hard to push their limits, to grow stronger. It's just as much your responsibility that  _ those _ children thrive as the ones who fear the very notion of shinobi." 

 

Iruka remembered that scarred, mangled hand on his cheek for all of a few seconds as if it had been years. 

 

He felt his face heat up, staring down at his feet as Naruto led the way.  _ Ibiki-sensei... _ he owed him so much, especially considering he'd only been a sensei for a year now. He prayed the older man realized just how grateful he was.

 

"Sensei! Sensei!" Naruto yelled at him to get his attention as they reached Ichiraku. "I'm hungry!"

 

Iruka was back on earth in a flash at the words, everything else around him forgotten. Of course, of course, the poor kid…! 

 

"Patience." He ruffled the boy's blond hair and smiled, urging him to sit while they looked over the menu. "Pick out anything you want."

 

Being a junior sensei, Iruka didn't have the greatest of pay, but a salary was a salary, and he was just happy to follow his passion, even if he figured he'd stay in the bachelors barracks the rest of his life at this rate. He couldn't  _ really  _ afford to go out to Ichiraku with the boy as much as they did, but...the look on his face...as if getting a warm meal was such a novelty to him…

 

"And you sir?" The chef gave him a kind look.

 

"Just miso soup for me. I'm not too hungry myself." He lied, hoping his stomach didn't growl too loudly.  _ I have rice and vegetables at home.  _ He told himself. He'd be just fine. It was the children who needed to eat to get stronger, not him. 

 

The man gave him a pitiful look, understanding, and nodded. 

 

Naruto didn't notice, and Iruka was grateful for the boy's ignorance. He wished all children could live an eternal youth, never having to worry about the things he did. If  _ he  _ ever had kids...he'd give them the childhood of their dreams. He'd bet his life on it. 

 

"Sing the ramen song, Sensei!!" Naruto cried out, waving his chopsticks in the air, which Iruka gently pulled back down, hushing him softly.

 

[ **[itsudemo darekaga | shang shang typhoon]** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUP8qbxZ1UI)

 

_ The ramen song. _ He chuckled to himself. It was an old song his mother taught him as a child, and apparently it "made the ramen cook faster." 

 

"Sure. You remember the lyrics?" 

 

"Yeah!" 

 

Iruka laughed, knowing he was being facetious, only remembering the chorus and mumbling the rest. But he started up all the same, rich voice warming the small ramen shop with a bittersweet melody.

 

_ "Itsudemo dareka ga kitto soba ni iru _

_ Omoi dashite okure suteki na sono na wo.."  _

 

He smiled as he sang, the expression growing into a wide grin as Naruto began to clap to the beat, a little off at times, but Iruka had been singing for so long that it didn't phase him. The sound only spurred him on to continue with more gusto, bouncing a bit in his chair to make the boy laugh. 

 

Before he got to the final chorus, the chef returned.

 

"Two large specialty ramens." He beamed, to which Iruka stared in awe at the bowls set out in front of them. Before he could speak up, the man winked at him, shaking his head. 

 

"It's on the house, Sensei." He whispered, chuckling. 

 

"Itadakimasu!!" Naruto cried, no hesitation as he began to stuff his face. Iruka did the same, if only to hide his teary eyes in the steam. 

 

He made sure to only eat a little, however, so he could save and take home the rest. He'd give it to Naruto to keep for lunch the next day. 

 

"Where'd you learn that song, anyway, Iruka?" The chef bussed the counter, and set away some glasses.

 

"My mother taught it to me when I was little." He answered, expression blissful as he got a thick piece of seasoned pork in his bite. 

 

"Makes sense. It's an old song, but there was a popular cover done of it that brought it back into the limelight...oh, fifteen years ago or so." The man chuckled, watching Naruto chow down. "I'm glad you're passing it on to the next generation." 

 

Once they'd finished, Iruka knowing it was all worth the trouble as he watched Naruto sing "The Ramen Song" between slurps, they packed up the leftovers. 

 

As the boy was tugging on him sleepily, ready to leave, Iruka put down all he had left in his wallet on the counter. It wasn't much, but he told the chef "for the next father and son that come to eat here, it's on me. If you won't let me pay for my own, I'll pay it forward." He laughed softly. "Otherwise, consider it a tip. You can't tell me "no" then." 

 

The chef smiled warmly back at him, nodding. 

 

"Take care of him." He said gently.

 

Iruka fixed him with a determined, but tired gaze. 

 

"I will." 

 

Iruka let Naruto clamber up on him, the boy wrapping his arms around his neck, little feet sticking out under his arms. His head rest on his shoulder, lips to his jaw. 

 

[ **[everybody lost somebody | cover ]** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X7cDzaMuI8)

Something in him stirred. Deep in his chest, the feel of a child like this, made his arms ache. He wanted nothing but to cradle this boy like he was his own, wanted to see his eyes close in sleep, see his body relax, curl towards his own for warmth and comfort…

 

Something in him stirred. It told him he needed this. Told him he needed the touch of a child in his life. Told him he should put the boy to bed and keep walking until he was at thr Hokage's office. Told him to open his mouth and speak the truth.

 

Something in him stirred. It begged for him to confess to months of these yearnings, this behavior...to months on caring for this boy, like he was his own. Begged for the stack of papers he'd been eyeing in the corner of the room. 

 

He'd imagined signing them one day. Why couldn't it be today…? 

 

Especially after than incident where he saved Naruto's life from those enemy nin, risking it all for a boy he barely knew…

 

He tried to block out the part where Kakashi saved  _ him,  _ but it didn't work. He found himself lingering on the scarred hands that protected him, the silver hair that shown in the dappled light…

 

"Sensei…" Naruto was drooling all over him, half asleep. 

 

Iruka felt his bottom lip tremble, but held it together. His brow furrowed and he adjusted the boy, turning the corner towards his apartment. 

 

_ No.  _ He'd wait. He'd find himself a pretty wife, someone kind and gentle. They'd be poor but happy, and have a baby girl. 

 

He stuck the key in the lock, jiggling it a bit to get it to work. 

 

She'd have dark, flowing ebony hair, and soft hands….a modest figure and a sweet voice...every time he imagined her, his mind wandered toward the Hyuuga clan.

 

A snort brought him back to his senses. 

 

Like he'd ever get a chance at  _ that.  _ They were such a respected and exalted family. He was just another man in the sea of shinobi that lived in Konoha. There was no Umino clan, no matter how much his father argued there once had been. Apparently, they'd originated by the ocean as fishermen, and moved inland. 

 

He closed the door behind him, locking it. Naruto was placed carefully on the couch, his hair ruffled one last time as he flopped over to take a nap. 

 

Iruka padded to his bedroom, rummaging through a small storage chest, and pulling out a little fox plush, very worn, but lovingly mended many times. They stopped selling fox related things once the kyuubi attacked, so it was easily about eight years old. But it was one of Naruto's favorite stuffed animals to sleep with, so he kept it at the house for him. 

 

The young man brought it out to the boy, along with a soft blanket, and tucked the fox under his arm, making sure he was covered shoulder to toe. 

 

For a while, he sat in relative silence beside the dozing boy, humming songs of his childhood as he fondly stroked his messy hair. 

 

He was pretty scruffy, he'd have to give him a bath tonight. That alone was an ordeal. 

 

As a kid, Iruka would try to "bathe" the cats. Bathing  _ Naruto _ was easily twice as difficult. 

 

But…

 

Iruka gazed tenderly down at the child. 

 

...he wouldn't trade...any of this...for the world. If he was truthful to himself, to anyone...he loved every second he got to spend with Naruto, as much as a troublemaker as he was. 

 

There was something...in the way he would reach up to the young shinobi, arms outstretched, blue eyes bright as the sky, smiling from ear to ear...in the way when Iruka leaned down to complete the hug, how the boy held onto him so desperately. 

 

There was...he couldn't describe it, more than euphoria when Naruto lay in his arms, just the sensation of such a fragile warmth under his wing…

 

Iruka could barely admit it, but he knew it deep down, that he loved Naruto with all his heart. 

 

Finally, he rose to his feet with a heavy sigh, eyelids drooping. There was still so much to be done. 

 

He shuffled about, putting away the ramen, and tidying up a bit from his rush to get to work that morning. 

 

Once he was settled down at the kitchen table (he was still saving up for a proper desk) with his paperwork, he had only grabbed his pen before hearing something at the window. 

 

A bird? No, it was getting dark. Couldn't be. 

 

With a groan, he pushed away from the table and stood up, bare feet scuffing against the corner. 

 

Curiosity got the best of him, and he opened the front door, looking down the hallway. 

 

[ **[all my heroes | bleachers is life dude]** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A03w5jiSS7I)

 

A man with silver hair was leaning against the balcony, staring over the scaffolding and roofs of other housing.

 

_Kakashi…?!_

 

"Hatake?" Iruka mumbled hoarsely, mostly to himself. What in the hell was the man doing here?

 

The chuunin's heart began to pound. They hadn't...spoken in weeks. Maybe it had been months? He couldn't remember, and it made him sick to his stomach. 

 

Last time they'd... _ talked _ ...they had  _ fought.  _

 

He had said things he regretted. Things that as soon as they left his mouth, he wanted to reach out, grab the words back before they reached the jonin's ears.  

 

And yet...he was drawn. He  _ wanted  _ Kakashi. Wanted him closer than farther. As much as Iruka was pushed away throughout the years, he knew doing the same back as some sort of petty revenge would do nothing. He'd follow his mother's advice, and be faithful. 

 

Iruka's blood ran cold as the illusive shinobi turned to him, eyes narrowed. He looked like he hadn't slept in  _ days.  _

 

The chuunin swallowed thickly. 

 

"Kakashi…?" He whispered, fearing for his life that if he spoke too loudly, the figure before him would vanish in the sunset breeze. 

 

"...is he in there?" The man mumbled huskily, dark eye glancing at the window. 

 

Iruka blinked. Something in him bristled protectively.

 

"...What do you want with him?" He stood taller, but it still wasn't anywhere near the height of the approaching jonin. 

 

"He okay?" Kakashi went to push past Iruka, but the younger man barred the way. 

 

"He's  _ fine. _ " He stood his ground. But his defensive stance faltered as he saw the forlorn look in the jonin's eye. He looked... _ exhausted. _

 

He quickly relaxed, watching as Kakashi leaned slightly to the right to try and peer in at the sleeping boy. 

 

"Hatake, did you just get back from a mission?" Iruka sounded like a scolding mother, arms folded as he looked the man over. "You look more dead than alive."

 

"Feel like it, too.'" He mumbled, smiling as he caught a glimpse of Naruto curled up on the couch. 

 

"Then don't be such a damn fool." Iruka frumped, grabbing the man's arm, and tugging it. "Come inside and rest. I'll put a kettle on, and you can get washed up." 

 

"I have my own place, y'know." Kakashi frowned, confused but curious to why the chuunin was acting this way.

 

Iruka stared determinedly at him, fingers still gripping his arm. He didn't know what to do, but he'd committed to it. 

 

'S'long as he's okay. That's all I care about." Kakashi stated flatly, wrenching his arm back. "I can take care of myself." 

 

The younger shinobi huffed indignantly. 

 

"There's a difference between selflessness and self neglect, y'know." He did his best to look down his nose at the jonin, but he had to tilt his chin up to do so. "The latter just makes you more of a burden to the world. Same goes for not letting others help you."

 

"Guess I'll die a burden, then, won't I?" Kakashi hissed back, but he was too tired to really argue. 

 

"Stop being so goddamn _stubborn!"_ Iruka snapped under his breath so he didn't wake Naruto. "You can't live life alone. But if you're so hellbent on never listening to the common sense I tell you, that I've been telling you for  _ years _ , then go ahead. See if I care if you die of something stupid like a cold, just because you couldn't be  _ assed  _ to ask for help." 

 

Kakashi stared blankly at him. Frozen indifference chilled Iruka to the bone.

 

"Good to know that's how you feel about me." 

 

Iruka's patience broke and he stepped out of the doorway, closing it behind him, charcoal eyes ablaze. 

 

"If I told you how I  _ actually  _ feel about you, you'd just look at me with that  _ stupid _ expression you always have, and then  _ shrug _ . Because it's  _ you _ who doesn't care." Iruka's voice rose to a fever pitch. "I care  _ too much.  _ I just want you to be fucking  _ happy.  _ But you're too busy being lost and miserable. Have fun living alone and wasting away, Hatake. Have fun being loyal to nothing at all, since everyone who's ever loved you, you've pushed away." 

 

Kakashi eye widened briefly. 

 

"I'll make sure to have a blast, just for you, Iruka." He grinned bitterly. The words stung like venom, but he didn't let it show. He began to back away towards the balcony.

 

"You won't know the difference between your _life_ and _h_ _ell_ once you die if you keep this up!" Iruka's voice broke. Tears welled in his eyes as he felt the memories of his teenage years coming on, paralyzing him. 

 

"You're really shitty at pep talks, Sensei." Kakashi was standing on the fencing now. 

 

"Kakashi,  _ please…! _ " Iruka begged, knees shaking as he staggered towards the man who he once was so proud to call his friend. "I can't...I can't bear to see you like this, I...I need to…" Tears spilled down his freckled cheeks. 

 

"And I need to go." Kakashi gave a derogatory salute, before leaping backwards. 

 

"Kakashi!  _ No _ !" Iruka felt his chest catch in agonizing pain against the wrought iron fence, arms outstretched, hands empty. "I  _ need  _ you!" He cried out, his heart aching, breaking as he watched the man vanish before his eyes. 

 

He hung his head, burying it between his crossed arms as he wept bitterly. He should have kept his mouth shut. What a fucking  _ hypocrite  _ he was! 

 

Iruka cried until he felt the strength ebb from him, and he stood up, ready to stagger towards the door. 

 

"Something tells me you didn't mean any of that." Kakashi stood at the door, brow raised. 

 

"...you...you  _ bastard. _ " Iruka hiccuped, rushing to him, furiously gripping him by his jacket. "You fuck with my heart too much." He swore, forehead bowed to the man's chest. "Can't you be selfish...selfish for  _ me. _ ..just this once…?"

 

"I don't want him to see me. But I'll have some tea in the meantime." Kakashi gently pulled Iruka away from him. 

 

"I'll take it." He conceded weakly. 

 

"I'll stay out here. Just bring it when it's ready." 

 

Iruka nodded, before a great and sudden shiver coursed through his body, and he hastily yanked Kakashi into a sloppy hug, squeezing him with all his might. 

 

Hatake stiffened, both eyes wide from shock as the man buried his face in his shoulder, his own heaving with silent sobs. 

 

_ "I'm sorry…!"  _ He whispered shakily, tears clinging to his trembling bottom lip. _"I've run out of things to say…!"_

 

Kakashi felt his heart shudder to life, though it was short lived as Iruka pulled away, rubbing furiously at his messy face with his arm.

 

"If you get cold, promise me you'll come in." He didn't turn to look at the man as he spoke, white knuckles on the doorknob.

 

"Promise." 

 

Iruka returned shortly to hand him a cup of steaming tea, preemptively scolding him to not burn his tongue. 

 

They stood in silence on the precipice of twilight, the balcony an uneasy limbo between dusk and dawn. 

 

"I've run out of things to say." Iruka repeated softly, gazing tenderly up at Kakashi. "And you're as stupid as ever. Guess we're at a stalemate, huh?" 

 

The men chuckled together as they sipped their tea. 

 

"Guess so." The jonin smiled behind the mask. "I'll be by again to check on him. Sensei's orders." He said cryptically, handing back his finished cup. 

 

Silence. 

 

"You look like your mother with your hair down in this light." Kakashi's voice was low, and sweet. "I miss her." 

 

Iruka's heart stopped. 

 

"You look just like your father did when he came to pick us up from the creek after dark." He murmured, wanting nothing more than to close the distance they'd created between them. 

Three words could cement the divide, or put it to rest forever. 

 

But he'd never have the guts to say them. 

 

Kakashi froze at the comparison, breaths flighty and short. 

 

"I miss  _ you _ ." Iruka stepped forward. He wanted. He was sick of wishing. He wanted. 

 

The jonin stepped backwards. 

 

"Don't run away. Please don't run away." Iruka's voice cracked and wavered like a robin's egg at night; unsure if there would be a dawn. "Stay. Stay with me. One night, that's all I need." He begged, the chasm between them now only inches apart. 

 

Kakashi felt the fence to his back as Iruka's hands rose to his chest, such sacred ground, trailing upward to where he was sure his fate, in this moment, rested. Kind hands cupped his childhood friend's jaw, kinder eyes beseeching every fiber of the man's being with his own. 

 

_ "You're all I need." _ Iruka confessed, voice barely more than a hushed whisper. 

 

But Kakashi had already fled. In a split second, there was nothing in Iruka's hands but a pile of sweet smelling leaves, the rest swirling stories down the fire escape and into the street. 

 

Iruka let out the breath he'd been holding. 

 

He closed his eyes slowly. 

 

Naruto needed to be bathed, and put to bed. 

 

That was his priority. 

 

He huffed and went back inside, mentally shaking off his nerves. 

 

-

[ **[Reckless Love | you guessed it. bleachers]** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JOu21_z9R8)

 

It was about nine when Iruka was finishing up his paperwork and Naruto began to stir. 

 

His head ached, and he rubbed at his temples to mitigate some of the pain. The young man stretched with a groan, clearing his throat as he got up and cast his gaze at the boy. 

 

"Have a nice nap?" He chuckled, watching Naruto rub at sleepy eyes, a death grip on the fox plush. 

 

"Mhm...wanna snuggle…" He mumbled, pouting, free arm reaching out for his sensei. 

 

Iruka's cheeks flushed. God, he wanted nothing more than that as well. One of the most rewarding things of a hard day's work was the possibility of taking Naruto home, and the boy falling asleep sprawled over him in his bed. Nothing compared. Nothing. 

 

"Someone needs a bath first." His teacher reminded him with a coy smile. "And that someone is not me." 

 

"Not me either!" Naruto retorted, now very awake and eyeing all escape routes. 

 

"If I catch you, you have to take a bath. If you catch  _ me, I  _ have to take one. Deal?" 

 

Never one to back out of a challenge, Naruto yelled "Deal!"

 

The boy bolted before Iruka could even take a step forward, and havoc soon ensued as the pair ran around the house, whooping and laughing as they chased one another. 

 

Eventually, the chuunin managed to pull out the couch and reach in to grab a hiding Naruto, but the boy jumped out into his arms. 

 

"Tag!" He cried, and Iruka let out a sigh. 

 

"Fine." He heaved the boy up to his chest, holding his bottom with his free hand as he moved the couch back. "We'll  _ both _ take a bath." He winked, to which Naruto scowled darkly. 

 

"No fair!" 

 

"We caught each other. It's fair."

 

"Dumb."

 

Iruka let out a belly laugh, but kept a firm grip on the boy as they headed to the small bathroom. 

 

Naruto stood defiantly on the tile as his sensei helped undress him, folding his clothes neatly and setting them on the counter. He noticed a piece of paper sticking out of one of the pockets.

 

"What's this?" Iruka asked, pulling it out. An envelope?

 

"Money. Gramps gave it to me." The boy said sourly. 

 

The man opened it, just to take a quick look. His eyes widened considerably. This was twice his paycheck!

 

"He stops by once a month to give it to me." Naruto's face fell. "But it never does anything. I don't get it."

 

"Don't you use it to buy things you'd like?" Iruka swallowed thickly, putting the money back into the envelope. 

 

"Mostly ramen." 

 

"Well, how about after our bath, I show you how to save some of it." Iruka smiled softly. 

 

"Why?" Naruto seemed despondent now. "Won't get me what I want." 

 

"What do you want?" His sensei tilted his head, brow furrowed. 

 

"Mom and Dad." 

 

Iruka froze, his whole body shuddering from the inside out. He swallowed hard, clearly shocked to the core. 

 

There was a heavy silence between them..

 

"You're right. It won't bring either of them back. But, I know it would make them happy if you used it wisely." Iruka did his best to smile, despite his heart breaking then and there. 

 

"Dumb." Naruto's tiny fists clenched.

 

His sensei knelt down, hands on his shoulders. 

 

"I lost my mom and dad too." He murmured, voice low. "And no matter how hard I work, they'll never come back. But I know they're happy that I'm teaching kids like you. And your parents will be happy too if you do well in school, and are kind to others." Iruka stroked the boy's hair before giving his forehead a tender kiss. 

 

Naruto's eyes beaded with pearly tears. 

 

"Everything will be okay. I promise." Iruka grinned brightly, using his thumbs to pull the boy's mouth upward to mirror it. "Always smile. Especially when you hurt right here." He brought his hands down to the boy's chest. "If you smile, others will smile. And then the whole world will be happy.  _ My _ mom taught me that." 

 

Naruto hiccuped, and his arms trembled as they searched for another hug. Which his sensei gladly gave him. 

 

"Mom always told me that some people have a terrible sadness in their life, and don't believe they can smile anymore. They don't think they'll ever find happiness. But she said the only way to help is to smile for them." Iruka kissed the boy's temple as he held him close. "So even when  _ you're  _ sad, you can still smile for yourself. If you have a mirror, you're smiling for two!" He chuckled. "So if  _ you  _ ever feel upset,  _ I'll  _ smile for you, okay?" 

 

Naruto nodded, tiny fingers digging into his sensei's shirt. 

 

Iruka gave him a few minutes before he stood up, and began to get undressed himself. 

 

"Can you start the water? I'll get my radio so we can listen to it." 

 

Naruto nodded solemnly. 

 

Once the shinobi had returned, he stifled a yawn, and opened the cabinet to grab a bottle of pink liquid before turning on the radio.

 

**[[goodbye | you already know]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUKitYfZMvs) **

 

"I went out of my way to get you this, so don't claw me up trying to get away this time." He let out a low chuckle, shaking it slowly. 

 

Naruto pouted again, but was still clearly curious. 

 

"It's bubble bath. Now go on, get in." He shooed the boy towards the tub. 

 

"Don't wanna." 

 

"Naruto…"  Iruka raised a bushy brow. 

 

With a grumble, the boy put one foot up on the tub, then stopped. 

 

"Legs stopped working." He said flatly. "Can't." 

 

Iruka snorted.

 

"Good thing I can just do this, then." He swiftly grabbed Naruto under the arms and hauled him up, stepping into the bath himself as the boy hollered and flailed. Unflinching as feet and hands made contact with his chest and shoulders, Iruka plopped down into the hot water with a pleasant sigh. 

 

"You're such a pain, Naruto." He laughed, finally letting his student go, watching him splash around like a grounded fish. 

 

Iruka only had to drag him back into the tub three times, once he had distracted him with the bubblebath and some frog bath toys he'd picked up just for this occasion. 

 

The shinobi took a paternal pleasure in pulling the boy in close to work shampoo into his unruly hair, making him laugh. Naruto gladly returned the favor, clambering all over his sensei to do so. 

 

**[[reprise]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X7cDzaMuI8) **

 

The bathwater had cooled a bit by the time the boy was flopped up against Iruka's chest, dozing off, twitching every so often. The chuunin held him loosely, mind drifting off into a daydream as soothing music played.

 

He'd get up, rinse the sleepy little one off and dry him with a fluffy towel, before carrying him to the bedroom to dress him in his pajamas...only to see a lovely girl look up at him with stars in her eyes as he got into his own bed. She'd be heaven-soft to the touch, with dark hair and lavender eyes, and she'd whisper all sorts of things in his ear as they tangled together in a sleepy cuddle. 

 

And then she'd say…

 

"Sensei!" 

 

Iruka woke with a start. The water had gotten cold. Embarrassed he'd dozed off, he sighed shakily, rising up to help Naruto out of the tub, draining it behind him. 

 

The man dried him off, picking him up in one arm and grabbing the clothes and radio with his other. 

 

"Lets get Foxie and bring him to bed, okay?" Iruka forced himself to stay awake, though his body cried out for rest. He shuffled into the living room for Naruto to reach out and grab the stuffed animal from the couch. 

 

They both clumsily pulled on pajamas, the boy just wearing one of his sensei's oversized hoodies, it fitting him like a floppy gown. It made him giggle, and the shinobi returned the laugh as he looked him over.

 

After setting the radio on the side table, Iruka collapsed in a heap beside Naruto, exhausted. It was only a matter of seconds before he brought the boy to his chest, curling protectively around him.

 

Maybe, one day, kind eyes would meet his as he stared hazily into the darkness. 

 

And they were. He just didn't see the soft gray gaze that watched over him from behind the bedroom window. 

 

Iruka pulled Naruto closer, kissing the top of his head. 

 

"I'll give you a mom and dad one day. I promise." He whispered. "Nothing will replace your real ones, but I know they'd want you to still have parents." 

 

Silence. A tiny snore.

 

"I'll be both if I have to." He sighed, hands tenderly stroking the boy's back. "I'll be everything you need." 

 

His eyes closed as he felt sleep overtake him. 

 

The masked figure behind the window settled for a while, just taking in the sight. 

 

_ Everything you need. _

 

Wasn't he doing the same? Then why was his...friend...so upset? 

 

He shook his head, fighting off sleep. 

 

He'd understand one day. Maybe they both would. But until then, he'd protect them, care for them in the only way he knew how. 

 

\--

 

**[[all my heroes]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A03w5jiSS7I) **

 

It was still dark when Iruka awoke, a strange sense of peace numbing his thoughts. It was the kind of awakening where one is suddenly aware that they are now on a different plane than before, the other far behind them. 

 

His eyes remained closed as he once more took inventory of his vitals, the sensation of his heart beating and breathing almost foreign to him. 

 

There was an abrupt beeping noise, and he opened his bleary eyes as a shadowy figure rustled to life beside him. It took a while for his vision to focus, but half as long for him to realize who was looking down at him from where he lay. 

 

"Kaka...shi…" He croaked weakly, his muscles twitching to life, trying the impossible -- to get up and reach out to him. 

 

"Don't." The word was swept under a choked back sob. "Don't move." It begged. 

 

Hot tears fell onto Iruka's cheek, the salt stinging his cut lips. 

 

"Where…" Iruka began, but the question was lost as Kakashi buried his face in his scarred hands and wept freely.

 

"You  _ idiot! _ " His shoulders shook as he hunched over, till his forehead was to Iruka's breast. "You...idi...ot…" 

 

The chuunin felt the need to comfort his friend.

 

Even though moving didn't seem like an option at the moment, surely he could still help. 

 

A subtle smile grew on his lips, until he was beaming from ear to ear. 

 

Kakashi looked up, eyes rimmed red like the new moon. It was instant, how they overflowed at the sight of the young shinobi grinning brightly up at him, despite the terrible condition he was in. 

 

"It hurts," He churred, "But I can still smile for you when you're sad." He opened kind brown eyes once more as the smile softened. "That's all that matters to me." 

 

Kakashi just stared blindly at him, hands trembling wildly as they impulsively reached out, seemingly detached from any reason. They cupped Iruka's face, and the jonin found the rest of him following the motion, till his lips rest tenderly against the chuunin's. 

 

_ "You're not supposed to die."  _ He whispered into the kiss, his whole body shaking with a suffocating miasma of emotion. 

 

Iruka lay in shock at the intimate gesture, but soon resumed a sunshine smile. 

 

"I won't." He blindly reassured his friend. "I still have children to teach, don't I? And I promised...Naruto…" His strength was quickly being sapped from him, startling him. But he couldn't stop now. "...I wouldn't...until he became...Hokage…" Iruka was growing limp in Kakashi's arms as the machine beside him let out a low tone, medicine flowing swiftly into the IV in the shinobi's arm. 

 

Kakashi only bowed his head, face pressed to his friend's shoulder as he began to cry bitterly again, silently this time. He didn't want the nurse to see him like this. This was only for Iruka, and Iruka alone. 

 

\--

[ **[idk i like this one, yeah its bleachers]** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR_HNqAE8IA)

 

"Is Sensei okay?? Didn't you say he woke up last night?" Naruto was adamant to push past Kakashi, who stood in front of his door. 

 

Sakura stood silently to the side, staring down at her feet, a cold numbness freezing her to the spot. Iruka-sensei...teachers...parents...they weren't supposed to...they wouldn't... _ die _ , could they? Not someone as good natured as Sensei, it wasn't...couldn't...shouldn't…

 

The jonin nodded once. 

 

"Yes. But he's still weak. Oorochimaru's poison nearly killed him." He had to force it out, face set to hide all emotion. The children needed him to be strong when they could not. "His body...is having a hard time recovering." 

 

"...did you...tell him about Lord Third?" Sakura spoke up, all the color drained from her usually rose sweet cheeks. 

 

Kakashi took a deep breath. 

 

"Yes. We talked a long time about him." His voice was stale, if only to keep the tears at bay. He could not stand the grief in Iruka's words. He had sat there, terrified that the news alone would kill him. But when he told his friend that Naruto was just fine...the smile returned. 

 

"Papa did what he needed to do." Iruka had wept freely, the sunbeam smile on his face wavering like the sunrise over troubled waters. "He protected the children. He gave us a second chance." 

 

_ Papa... _ Kakashi's heart had stopped in his chest, breath caught in his throat. He had no idea...he had no idea how  _ dear  _ Hiruzen was to Iruka. He set his jaw, despite the tears that cascaded down his mask. 

 

He would let Iruka die believing Hiruzen had been nothing less than a saint. This man had lost his father once. And now again. 

 

Kakashi had simply nodded. This ignorant bliss...he'd keep as a promise till he died. 

 

The jonin blinked, thoughts returning to the present. 

 

"He's more stable now. But you  _ have _ to be gentle." He cast a steely eye towards Naruto. "He's…in a lot of pain. Don't let his smile fool you." He felt a chuckle die in his chest. 

 

Sakura and Naruto nodded solemnly. 

 

Once they entered, Kakashi guiding them inside, Sakura felt her stomach turn. Her first reaction was to run, to bolt for the door and never look back. 

 

"Sensei…" Naruto mumbled, eyes wide in shock at his old teacher. 

 

The young man lay on his hospital bed, wires drawing away from his body into clicking machines. A new scar lay wide open over his left breast. It was badly infected, and had to be left open to heal. The mangled flesh was not easy to look at. 

 

"Iruka…" Kakashi spoke up, tenderness incarnate in his voice. "Your students are here to see you." 

 

The chuunin stirred, lifting his head briefly to beam at the trio, before relaxing with a pained sigh. 

 

"Naruto...Sakura…" He whispered, then paused.

 

"Where's Sasuke…?"

 

Kakashi eyed the children, a silent warning. 

 

"He was hurt in the attack, but he's recovering just fine. He sends his regards." The jonin lied to his friend's face. 

 

"So long as...he's okay…" Iruka groaned softly, his chest aching. 

 

Naruto was the first to approach, with Sakura hiding herself in Kakashi's strong embrace. She couldn't bear to see her sensei like this. 

 

"Sensei…" Naruto began quietly, sitting beside him, rough little hands holding Iruka's, though he shied away fearfully at the IV that nearly brushed his shoulder. "Everyone's okay. We fought really hard." He swallowed thickly as Iruka turned his head to smile at him. "That bastard won't ever come back. We'll make sure of it." 

 

His teacher shook his head.

 

"The Will of Fire will always keep us safe. No matter who threatens our peace. Remember that, Naruto." He closed his eyes. "It's ninja like you and Sakura and Kakashi-sensei who uphold that will, and keep the village safe."

 

Tears rolled down Naruto's nose, warm fingers squeezing his beloved teacher's cool palm. 

 

"We...brought flowers, Sensei." Sakura spoke up, voice trembling as badly as her hands that held a small bouquet, Kakashi urging her gently forward with his hand to her shoulder. "Your preschool class picked them from the garden this morning." 

 

Iruka's face lit up like the dawn, a pleased hum in his chest as he beamed at her.

 

"Give them my thanks. It's lovely, Sakura. Just like you." It pained him enormously to do so, but he reached out to touch her cheek as she bent down to see him better, setting the flowers on the side table. She felt a blush warm her face. "Keep working hard with Naruto. And keep him in line, alright?" He winked as his hand dropped back down. "You two are growing up so fast." He murmured wistfully. 

 

"Kids...we should let him rest now." Kakashi called softly to his students, beckoning them with a gloved hand. 

 

They nodded, and returned to his side, but not before Naruto gave his sensei a tender hug, and Sakura kissed his temple. 

 

Iruka felt his eyes well with tears.

 

"Nonsense, Hatake!" He coughed weakly. "These kids gave me all the medicine I need. I'll be fighting fit in no time!" 

 

Kakashi snorted, shaking his head.

 

"You two run along. Pay your respects, and stick with Kurenai. I'll be out in a minute." 

 

Naruto and Sakura obeyed without a word, both taking one last look at their Sensei before leaving. 

 

**[[stand by me | florence and the machine]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vv2DSmy3Tro) **

 

Iruka turned his gaze from the children to his friend. 

 

"Thank you…" He whispered. "For staying this time." 

 

Kakashi closed the door behind him, locking it. He wanted to be left alone with his old friend for a while. 

 

"I was a bastard for leaving you the first hundred times." He chuckled, taking his seat beside the young shinobi. "I hope you can forgive me for that."

 

Iruka laughed, wincing as it caused him pain. Kakashi's hand was swift to hold his through it. 

 

"Of course. I'll never stop badgering you, and you'll never stop being such a flighty fool. We'll have this stalemate all our lives, if you'll allow it." He teased, smirking, although his eyes had already started drooping like a hound's. 

 

"One day, one of us will win, I'm sure." Kakashi shook his head, chuckling. 

 

"Why don't we just throw the damn game and just…" Iruka trailed off, fingers lacing with his friend's. "...admit…"

 

"Shh." The jonin hushed him, free hand brushing the hair from his face. "When you feel better, we'll...talk." 

 

"Talking's for old folks." The chuunin gave his hand a squeeze. "Let's  _ do. _ If I got my ass handed to me this badly...you oughta train me." 

 

Kakashi rolled his eyes. 

 

"Rest. I'll be here." He reassured him firmly, finally relaxing as he watched Iruka, albeit stubbornly, give in.

 

"You'd better not run off this time, Bakashi." He scolded good naturedly. 

 

"Won't move an inch." Kakashi gazed fondly down at his friend, smirking at the familiar nickname. "Promise."

 

This... _ this time. _

_ He'd stay true to himself.  _

_ This promise, he'd die before breaking.  _

 

**Author's Note:**

> kakashi fuck off and just marry him already. i hate this. 
> 
> heres links to the other flashbacks!
> 
> [timeline flashback]  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/18816445/chapters/45101485
> 
> [take care of the kids flashback, happens prior to this fic]  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/18816445/chapters/45301624
> 
>  
> 
> hey if you read this i love you thanks, i always appreciate feedback.  
> finger guns, turns into an iguana and skateboards off into the sunset ciao babes


End file.
